you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
