I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
