Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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