so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pants are for mortals
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
