I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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