Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
