i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
