i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
