therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
