he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Bring me that man meat
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
