I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
