My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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