but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
NoShamevember. You game?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
