guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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