Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
