Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
