Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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