i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
