My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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