Need sex. Gaining weight.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
