he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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