I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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