Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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