i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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