Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
