Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
