I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
