You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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