I hope mine doesn't look like that
She just used a chaser for red wine.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
