i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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