I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
