Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
