Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize