Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
