just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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