You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
