I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
