I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
