Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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