Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
