Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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