Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
