i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
