Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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