That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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