I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
