My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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