he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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