There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
