Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
what day is it and did you see me today?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
