I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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