he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just took my morning after pill in the library
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
