homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
