I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
