so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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