I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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