Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
