if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
