Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
