i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize