I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
