planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
