Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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