So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
