I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
