i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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