Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You can't motorboat a personality
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
