Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
