Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
