Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
