he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize