I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
