i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
