Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
