Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
