I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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