He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
