i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
