oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I need water and some morals
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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