You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
