the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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