shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
