If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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