I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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