Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
