I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
