My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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