dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
