I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
