my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
